Tardiness.

I’ve been lazy. Very lazy.

***

Thoughts flashing/playing/sneaking in my head lately:

• What makes Explosion In The Sky sound so good even without lyrics? Emotional input by the listener?, Superior improv?, The band’s own advanced introspection, cooperation and understanding on how to impart a coherent but multifaceted whole (style, effect on listener, “story”) song?, Am I being a little bit out of my league trying to grasp music theory even though I only listen to them and never played any instrument to my and other people’s satisfaction…
• Wondering whether it is possible for anyone to translate Pynchon’s work to Bahasa Malaysia with even the same effect on the reader, because everyone read different and feels different and have different expectation of what a book should be like.
• The egalitarian Resource Based Economy, where everyone produces for every one the best products and serve everyone the best services without the involvement of money (e.g. The war effort of America in WW2.) thus eliminating middlemen, lawyers and (gasp!) bankers. The difficulties over the model when the poblem arises of who should say what’s the best for everyone. The prospect of design by committee is a bit daunting for someone like me that feels that in terms of creativity; the individual is superior than a collection of people that have to each of them different notions of good.
• Wondering sometimes that I am asexual and then doubting it whenever I see females.
• Wondering sometimes that I am emotionally retarded and confirming it when people sometimes ignore me when I speak. Do I feel the same as others when I react differently? Or is it just my apathy?Am I paranoid?… Yes.
• Why is there noise in my PC sound system?
• My supposed road to financial freedom and dreams of early retirement.
• Are males threatened by me? Do I give female wet dreams? Why this ego?
• Does anybody enjoy my presence on earth?

Past Paranoias And Dealing With Them

I’ve been reading Thomas Pynchon’s books these couple of days. And now have better control of my paranoia, that unerving fear that people are hating me for thing that i know but they don’t know but I seem so relaxed about it.

This pananoia i had since i was in primary school, having a lomographic memory, almost accurate if not for the embelishments made by my own imaginations. that weakness that smart people get; that you don’t know what other people are thinking. leading people to assume that you think that they are stupid when all you are thinking about is “what are other people thinking?”.

Then when in my secondary school i was getting surpassed by my classmates who were not burdened with neuroses like mine. then when at the supposed finishing line of that period of education, i gave up and broke down my own confidence till it becomes not a wall but a ditch, so I may fall into it when cornered. Graduating from secondary school, last in my class of 40. I have this feeling that I’m to my classmates too dumb/inappropriate/unintellectual/stupid/lazy too be among their select 39 brains and that the second class wouldn’t want me among themselves for i’d be too smart for them, this i realize due to reading Thomas Pynchon’s books the same paranoia/neuroses and egostistical thing i would make up for what happened when all you wonder about is “what is on other people’s mind concerning me?”

Then i college, I had been infected with the feeling that my own altruism is a handicap. That punk culture is dumb but yearning for anarchy of systems and idealogies, even as what I was studying then was Information Systems/Theory/Applications and being good with it. What’s this? A discord between gifts and desire? HAHAHA!

Thoughts Risen After Watching Puteri Gunung Ledang

This is a picture of me taken by a friend after watching Puteri Gunung Ledang. I would say the movie was good, that picture shows me in PGMS (post good movie stupor).

Some say that a scene from the film showing an army from Demak cladded in arabic styled clothing pilaging a Javanese village as inappropriate. They say as if it was supporting the notion that muslims are people bent on pilaging and killing.

I however prefer to take the viewpoint that the film was really showing the dangers of people using religion as an excuse for whatever evils they are doing. A metaphore of what happening all over the world, using whatever religion.

Religion, in my humble opinion, should be used as a tool for decision making. One may do something because of his religion, but anything done is done by the person himself. If anything evil was done, religion shouldn’t be an excuse. It is never an excuse.

On The End Of The World

I believe that this world will end, just like the things that inhabit it would die, break or no longer be the same as it was. I believe in the transitory state, a state whick none ever stay the way it was.

Even atoms degenerate.

To fret whether the world will end or not is pointless, it’s going to end anyway. To fret on the end of the world is like to fret the end of one’s life. It’s going to come whether we try to stop it or not.

Like shouting to everyone that tomorrow will come.

The end of the world to me is like tomorrow undefined. You don’t when it’s coming, but you know it will. Try to stop it, and with further thinking you’ll realize, Its all to no avail.

This too will end.

Current Playlist

Click to see….

Wants…

I need money to buy CDs.

Sigur Ros
Ludwig Van Beethoven
J.S Bach
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

No one is going to give me money.
*Sigh*

(I’ll download…)

Why Is It, That My Fellow Countryman’s Blogs Are All A Bit On The Soft Side?

That question comes nagging to me each time I see a blog from my fellow Malaysians. Either it would be too lewd or it would be too

‘I got to the toilet just in time, the morning glory blossoming with dew soaked petals, I open my zipper and let loose a spray of golden. But alas, the flush don’t work, the smell of my stinking piss fills the room, I Am Sad‘.

Okay, okay, they don’t write that way, but it’s the closest I could ever get to achieving the same level of ‘jiwang‘ without diverging into ultra-sarcasm.I guess I’ll be evil today. Sarcasma Maxima (excuse my pig latin).

Even I’m guilty of being ‘jiwang‘ a bit sometimes. But if it was done artfully, it’s no problem, right? But these people, don’t even use good language (spelling, grammar, etc.) no matter they’re using English or Malay. If they realize that their language skills are bad, at least there is a gradual shift in the quality, for the better, we all hope. But alas, no.

They are adamant in keeping true with their horrible language skills. Improve thyself or shame will follow.

Busy! Busy! Busy!

You know your are busy when you go out from your home to work/school/college and come back again, without seeing the sun.

Retrospection On My Recent Imbalanced Emotional Outbursts

Well it all started with a thread on the newest car to come from the factory of Proton: The Gen.2.

It’s a beautiful car, and like any car that comes out of Malaysia, some Malaysians are critical of it like they’re professional car critics all of a sudden. Believe me, my only complaint of my countrymen is that they complain too much.

There was one guy on the thread in question saying it would shameful to push the new car when it’s out of order. To which I said to be shameful is only a state of mind and I related an incident which I helped watch a guy push his BMW. That was somehow taken offence, and I was accused by the guy that said it was shameful to push a car as not using my brain.

As someone who has made the sport of mental gymnastics his life pursuit, of course I took offence. If he said that I didn’t used my brain to the best of potential, like saying “Your stupid!”, it’s okay by me. I might even agree if he made clear to me the points showing proof of my ignorance.

So as any respected man who try to use his brain to the fullest, I make it clear to the online forum the proof I am using my brain: The existence of the post itself. I even stated the neural pathways of the brain to the spine to the nerves of my fingers to try make it clear that without the use of my brain, my post would be unintelligible. So the post with it’s careful grammar, punctuation and proper meaning, mean that indeed, I’ve used my brain making that post.

And furthermore, the enraged poster even try to pull of a ‘Hunter S. Thompson’ effect by capitalizing the last word of his post. The word “FAHAM!!!” (UNDERSTAND!!! for you non-Malay speaker)was used. But I suspect the person have even heard of The Man. This post that enraged me, broken the part ‘C’ of the forum’s rules and regulation in particular the part that prohibits the provocation among members.

But then, after my answer, another poster said that I was being emotional. Well maybe it because of the 100+ word countering the mention of me not using my brain.

Well, me writing here shows and proves that my imbalanced emotional outburts exists.

I’m wearing contacts and my eyes are dry. Here are some link to free Novell Linux stuff ->click

Shivers…

Going to be an examination on Tuesday. Slightly unprepared.

I imagine a short story being linked here in the future. Wait.

The bodies of women in the city is as abundant as the wild flowers in the mountains. Both are beautiful in it’s own way. Human are objects too.

I pitied the cat…